How Jesus and Paul Spoke About Divorce (1 Corinthians 7:8-16)

I. A Prevalent and Painful Reality

One inescapable aspect of family life in our country is the prevalence of divorce. I would guess that there isn't one person in this room who's life has not been touched in some way by the painful reality of a broken marriage. A Pew Research Center article from last year stated that one “third of [i.e., one in three] Americans who have ever been married have also experienced divorce.” Of course, divorce is not simply a modern reality, is it. Two-thousand years ago, our spiritual ancestors in Christ also dealt with this issue. In the Greco-Roman world in which they lived, divorce had become easy and commonplace in the decades before and after Jesus. So it isn't surprising that in our main chapter this morning, 1 Corinthians 7, the Apostle addresses this very issue. But as we will see, Paul's guidance here is not drawn from contemporary wisdom, or from personal experience, or from what's pragmatic, or from social science data, or from some attempt to be relevant, or to not 'rock the boat'. No. Paul's guidance comes right from the source. Or we might say, Paul's guidance about marriage comes right from the creator of marriage.

II. The Passage: “To the Married I Give This Charge” (7:8-16)

Now, before we dig into this passage, let me say this: Paul's writes what he writes, not to shame, but to deter. This was less about what the Corinthians had done in the past, and more about what they definitely should not do in the present. Of course, to the degree to which these believers could align their lives with God's desire and God's design, then they absolutely should. But its clear from the text that Paul is addressing them as they were in that moment, instructing them to follow (in the Spirit) the way of Jesus, not simply to walk (in their flesh) the path of least possible resistance. This is the same reason we need to hear this teaching: so that our present and future relationships would glorify God, in spite of the challenges that are sure to come.

So as we focus in on verses 8-16, especially those first two verses, it's important to remember that Paul just opened this chapter (vs. 1-7) by talking to married couples about God's good design for sex within marriage. But just in case anyone interpreted his words to mean that all Christians must be married, as we just heard read for us, he speaks directly to the “unmarried and the widows” in verse 8. And notice he's not just carving out an exception for them. No. He writes, “it is good for [you] to remain single as I am.” But if sexual temptations remain strong in their lives, then (v. 9) “it is better to marry than to burn with passion”. As we talked about last time, Paul understood that (v. 7) “each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.” The sense here in the context is that those to whom God had given this gift of singleness, did not “burn with passion” like so many others (i.e., the sexual appetite with which God created humanity simply was, by God's grace, not as strong for these individuals).

But if they were married (or sought to be married), Paul, beginning in v. 10, feels he must now turn to the topic of divorce. If you remember, what may have been happening at Corinth in response to sexual immorality, was that while some went too far in a permissive direction, others went too far in a restrictive direction; that is teaching that even sexual activity within marriage was somehow unholy. So having also just talked about the goodness of singleness, as he begins to address divorce here, he may be anticipating that, in addition to the common temptations toward divorce, some of them might even go as far thinking that divorce was a path to holiness.

But to counter such notions, notice how Paul begins his “charge” in verse 10: “To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord)...”. Okay. What exactly does Paul mean here when he says, “not I, but the Lord”? Is this simply an affirmation that he is a minister of God's word, not his own? I think it's more than that. What Paul is saying here is that Jesus explicitly taught on this topic; so his guidance comes directly from that teaching. We find similar appeals to the teaching of Christ in 9:14 and 11:23. What teaching does Paul have in mind here? Undoubtedly, he's thinking of the same teaching that was preserved for us in a passage like Mark 10:4-9...

They [the Pharisees] said [to Jesus], “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send [his wife] away.” [5] And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. [6] But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ [7] ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, [8] and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. [9] What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate [in Greek, chorizo].”

So this teaching from Jesus is precisely why Paul writes, “To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate [chorizo] from her husband... and the husband should not divorce his wife.” Paul is faithfully transmitting the hard word of Jesus here, a word that, in one sense, makes all divorce disobedience. If Jesus was correct (and he was), and God himself joins a man and a woman together in marriage (which he does), then divorce is directly opposed to his good design and to his sacred, unifying work. Therefore, divorce should not take place; especially among those who claim to be followers of Jesus. As Jesus taught, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” (John 14:15)

But if we look back at the parenthetical statement in verse 11, Paul also understands that in spite of what Jesus taught, and in spite of how the Apostle instructed them, there were and would be husbands and wives in Corinth who separate from one another. And in some cases, that sep-aration may be a tragic, but necessary step (think of a domestic violence situation, for example). This is exactly why he adds what we might call a 'next level down' command within those paren-theses. “But if [the wife] does [separate], she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband...”. Why does Paul add this additional 'guardrail'? Again, because of the teaching of Jesus. Paul's guidance makes sense when consider what Jesus went on to say in Mark 10...

And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. [11] And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, [12] and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

But look at where Paul goes with this discussion in verse 12. He's still talking about divorce in verses 12-16, but he begins that section with a similar, but slightly adjust qualification: “To the rest I say (I, not the Lord)...”. Again, Paul is not saying that what follows is less important or is less authoritative. He's simply explaining that Jesus did not explicitly address the following issue during his earthly ministry. And so, as an apostle of Jesus, as one commissioned by Christ himself, Paul continues discussing divorce, but this time, in cases of a spiritually-mixed marriage.

Just as some may have thought that a sexless marriage was more holy (more Christlike?), other converts may have believed that being married to an unbeliever also made them less holy in some way. But as Paul instructs them here in vs. 12-14, this idea is false, and cannot serve as some kind of justification for divorce. In fact, the believer's presence in that marriage, and in the family, brings a kind of holiness to the household; that is, the marriage and home are 'set apart' by the 'salt and light' influence of the disciple, as the Holy Spirit of God works in and through them to bless their loved ones with the gospel (and with a gospel-shaped life).

But what if the unbelieving spouse leaves? What if he or she initiates a divorce? In light of what Paul (in vs. 10-11) just taught that Jesus taught, has the Christian now been placed in a position of disobedience by the departing spouse? Furthermore, is the disciple now bound or obligated to pursue their spouse, to dispute the divorce, and to somehow save, not only the marriage, but also their spouse's soul? Paul offers a clear “no” to all of this in vs. 15-16.. “But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved [or, bound]. God has called you to peace. [16] For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?”

III. Divorce and the Heart of God

Brothers and sisters, as is very clearly the case in many areas today, divorce is an issue over which the teaching of Jesus and his apostles is starkly at odds with the modern mindset. Sadly, this tension or friction (along with the ordinary and ongoing reality of marital hardship) has tempted even believers to rationalize ways to somehow explain that Jesus and Paul were not really saying what they seem to be saying. But instead of looking for ways to explain away these hard words, we should be looking for ways to explain the heart of God behind these words. Let me share with you briefly a few biblical reasons why this teaching is so important:

First, God's heart is to protect us. That's why he gives us such firm guardrails concerning divorce. God's word, God's warnings, are meant to preserve our marriages (and our families) through the difficult seasons that are inevitable in every relationship. Life is hard. Marriage is hard. God knows this. He knows that so often there are very real, outside pressures and very strong, inward temptations to call it quits. But he lovingly takes that option off the table.

Second, God's heart is to grow us. Not only does He seek to protect our marriages, but in doing this, he also seeks to protect our hearts from that me-centered instinct, the one that so often tempts us to hit the 'eject button' in painful times. You see, as many of you know, marriage and marital difficulties are one of the primary ways in which God deepens our reliance on him, in which he cultivates humility and a forgiving spirit, and through which He makes us more like Jesus: self-giving and open, rather than self-grasping and guarded.

Third, God's heart is to shine through us. In making us more like Jesus, the Father wants to make our marriages more and more like his own covenant relationship with his people. In spite of our daily failures, we rejoice in the fact that, because of Christ, God will not send us away. In the Old Testament, He did send his people away into exile for their repeated and remorseless unfaithfulness with idols. But God's action was ultimately redemptive in that it eventually brought the people to repentance. Aren't we incredibly grateful this morning for the fact that our God is a God who redeems and reconciles; a God of incomparable grace? But that grace also teaches us to practice these very same things in our marriages. It should be our desire that when others look at our marriages, including the struggles in our marriages, that they would look at us and catch a glimpse of the grace, the patience, the faithfulness, the self-giving love of our God.

Jesus Christ died and rose again to make this very thing possible. His blood has secured a new heart for you, one empowered by his resurrection and filled with his love. Brothers and sisters, will you pray for marriages, including for your own if you're married (or for the marriage you hope to have one day), will you pray in light of these things? Please pray as well for repentance for those who are resisting His will in this area, and for reassuring grace for those who have repented of past sins. This may be a hard word from Jesus, one faithfully passed on by Paul, but it's also a loving word. Through faith, may God reassure us of that very thing this morning.