Husbands, Wives, and the Gift of Sex (1 Corinthians 7:1-7)

I. Written Down for Our Instruction

As we return to our study of this ancient letter, I pray that God would help us to embrace its words, so that chapter 10, verse 11 might be our personal and heartfelt confession. “Now these things happened to them as an example, but they were written down for our instruction, on whom the end of the ages has come.” May we be convinced that God ultimately had these things written down for us, and that the time is now in terms of God's eternal purposes. Okay...

II. The Passage: “Each Has His Own Gift from God” (7:1-7)

Before we dive into the main part of our text this morning, look back with me at the opening phrase of verse 1. Paul writes, “Now concerning the matters about which you wrote...” So not only had he written to them according to 5:9, but they had written to him as well. Had Chloe's people (mentioned in 1:11) delivered this letter to Paul? Or maybe it was sent by way of “Stephanas and Fortunatus and Achaicus”, all of whom are mentioned as visiting with Paul in chapter 16, verse 17. We don't know. What we do know is that these opening words, “now con-cerning”, appear five more times throughout the remainder of the letter. And they seem to indicate or identify some of the “matters” about which the Corinthians were seeking clarity.

So notice that the first matter Paul addresses from their letter is a topic that lines up directly with one of the main themes the Apostle has just tackled in chapters 5 and 6. That theme is sex. Several translations, the ESV included, place quotation marks around the statement we find in the second part of verse 1: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with (lit. “to touch”) a woman.” Now, is this another slogan that some of the Corinthians were using? Quite possibly.

What's interesting is that, as we learned last time, some in the church were saying that their freedom in Christ meant they had freedom to indulge in sexual immorality (“All things are lawful for me”... Remember that?). But what we may be seeing here is yet another faction, a 'reaction faction', individuals in the church who were advocating for total abstinence when it comes to sex; that is, total abstinence for... everyone, even those who were married. So what does Paul do? Well, he begins by simply affirming the general truth: “Yep. It is good to practice abstinence.” (or as we read it, “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”)

But Paul cannot leave it at that. Why? Because that general principle is not always true. It must instead be understood in light of the goodness of God's design, especially for those living in a spiritually broken and spiritually rebellious world; in a sexually broken and a sexually rebellious world like this one. For some, this general principle concerning abstinence is all they need. Why? How? Drop down to verse 7. As Paul explains there, “I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.” Paul was single and chaste, something he describes here as a “gift from God”. But not everyone has this gift. And understanding this is critical. Why? Verse 2: “Because of the temptation to sexual immorality”.

As most of you know, sexual temptation is encouraged everywhere in our world. Moreover, destructively aligned with our lust, as Paul mentions in verse 5, we also have a spiritual Enemy who will do everything he can to keep us from doing the very thing the Spirit, through Paul, charged us to do in the last verse of chapter 6: “So glorify God in your body.”

Now, while some have special grace from God in terms of their sexual appetites and their fort-itude in the face of sexual temptation, others do not. In fact, most of us do not. But that does not mean we are gift-less. As Paul wrote in verse 7, “...each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.” So according to Paul, some receive the gift of chastity (or celibacy), and others receive the gift of... marriage.

Paul will go on in this chapter to tell us more about chastity and singleness. But in our text this morning, his focus is on sex in marriage; the gift of sex in marriage. In verses 2-4, I see two aspects to this gift. First, the word satisfaction helps us think about the gift received, and second, the word sacrifice helps us think about the gift given. Let's see how this plays out in the text.

First, satisfaction. Verse 2: “...Because of the temptation to sexual immorality”... that is, because we were and are created with sexual appetites, but now live in a world of deception, distortion, and selfish desire, because this is true... “each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.” Friends, there are only two right, two good, two healthy, life-giving options when it comes to turning from sexual immorality: chastity or marriage. And for those who do not have the gift of chastity, please don't miss the beautiful truth behind Paul's words here: God is not ignorant of or insensitive to this hunger. In fact, He wants to meet that need, a need that he created. And He does this through the covenant relationship we call marriage; which is, of course, his design as well. The marriage of one man to one woman is God's design for sexual satisfaction.

What's interesting about these verses is that they definitely do not tell us everything Paul believed about marriage. If this passage represented the totality of the Apostle's view, we might conclude that Paul had a very low view of marriage; that maybe he believed marriage was just an arrangement for people without self-control to avoid sinning against God. But other passages from Paul, passages like Ephesians 5:22-33, confirm the beauty of marriage. Paul wholeheart-edly embraced Genesis 1 and 2, and the good design of God in terms of sex, marriage, and the call to fill the earth with his image-bearers. But in Ephesians 5, marriage itself is exalted as a picture of the incomparable love and faithfulness, the incomparable covenant relationship be-tween, Jesus Christ and his people. You see, 1 Cor. 7 is just one facet of this multifaceted jewel.

To the unmarried this morning, especially to our teens and young adults, I offer the words of Hebrews 13:4... “Let marriage be held in honor among all...”. Listen. Marriage has also been distorted by human sin. We know that. But it remains God's good gift to you. And as Paul wants to communicate here, one reason it is such a good gift is because it's the like the lunch room in a plastic fruit factory. Though you can be surrounded each day by what looks sexually appetizing, only in the lunch room of marriage will you find that which is sexually nourishing.

Last week in our life group discussion, Kedrick mentioned the following preaching principle: when you communicate something that God forbids (as I did in the message last week), also comm-unicate the better thing that God offers. Brothers and sisters, that better thing is marriage. Again, this is why Paul cannot simply leave it at, “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman”, because in marriage, “It is good for a man to have sexual relations with a woman”; namely his wife!) So in marriage, God provides satisfaction for those who receive his good gift.

Second, sacrifice. Look back at verses 3-4. “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. [4] For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. [And as he begins v. 5] Do not deprive one another...” When we take away the chapter and verse numbers, what's helpful to remember here is how, just three or four verses earlier, Paul declared these amazing truths:

“You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” As both Paul and the Corinthian believers understood, the price that Paul was referring to there, the price that was paid on the cross, was the body of Jesus, given to the glory of God. And so, because of that crucified body, Paul was calling them to glorify God in their bodies; and specific-ally, a few verses later (in our main text), to give their bodies like Jesus gave his... sacrificially. No, not given over to death to pay a ransom, but given over to their spouse, to bless him or her sexually; to be used by God to meet that need in the other. You see...

The worldly mindset, the fleshly mindset, is always driven by the self, isn't it. What is sin? It is ultimately the impulse to live a me-centered life in a God-centered universe. What is the fleshly mindset in terms of sex? It's about me. It's about my pleasure. It's about getting what I want. But Jesus changes all that. If we have received God's gift of sex in marriage, but also, received God's gift of eternal life through Jesus, then sex (like so many other things in our lives) becomes a way for me to serve and bless, not simply to get and enjoy. And as we've already seen here, it's also a way to help (to protect) my spouse in a world awash with sexual temptations.

III. Sexual Orientation, Gospel Orientation

But sadly, in that same kind of world, Christians so often struggle in knowing what to do about this topic. Some are tempted to a kind of prudish silence, labeling any talk about sex as dirty or shameful, while other believers find themselves doing the opposite: speaking out; but in doing so, all their words seem to be simply condemnations of the culture, or, they are indistinguishable from the culture's distorted language, and all in the name of being relevant or provocative.

But God is speaking first to us this morning; to you and me personally. “...These things... were written down for our instruction, on whom the end of the ages has come.” So think carefully, believer, about how these truths are applicable to you, today; right now. For example...

• Some of you are single, but foolishly, you are pursuing neither marriage nor chastity. Please hear God's loving correction this morning. Be sobered and be encouraged by it.

• Others of you desire to be married, but aren't even in a relationship... and... you're struggling with lust. Please... trust that, even if you don't have the gift of chastity, “God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” (10:31) He will provide for you. “...Let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!” (Psalm 27:14)

• Still others of you may be married, but your views about sex are not aligned with God's. You are still thinking about this topic in terms of getting, rather than giving; that is, making it first about you, rather than first about God's glory and the good of your spouse. And maybe that me-centered mindset tempts you to either demand or deprive. Brothers and sisters, that is not the love of Jesus. “Love... does not insist on its own way.” (13:5)

• Finally, it may be that someone listening to this does have the gift of chastity; the gift of singleness. If so, don't be afraid to lean into that, even if rubs up against other's expectations. But don't waste that gift. Use it for its purpose: (v. 35) “undivided devotion to the Lord”.

The world talks a lot these days about something called “sexual orientation”. But it misses the fact that the most important sexual orientation is that which is shaped by the gospel; for it alone can orient our sexual outlook to God's glory and the good of the other (just as Jesus exemplified on the cross). Wherever you are in life, whatever your struggles look like, all of us can be and should be praying for others in light of this, for those married and those single. Let's do that now.